Passive Communication
During passive communication, a person prioritises the needs, wants, and feelings of others, even at their own expense. The person doesn't express their own needs or stand up for them which can lead to being taken advantage of.
Common signs of passive communication include:
Quiet/softly spoken
Allows others to take advantage
Poor eye contact / looks down or away
Lacks confidence
Aggressive Communication
Through aggressive communication, a person expresses that only their own needs, wants, and feelings matter. The other person feels bullied and their needs are ignored.
Signs of aggressive communication include:
Speaks in a loud or overbearing way
Wants their own way
Frequently interrupts or does not listen
Use of criticism, humiliation, and domination
Assertive Communication
Assertive communication emphasises the importance of both peoples’ needs.
Assertive communication looks like:
Willingness to compromise
Confident tone / body language
Good eye contact
Listens and does not interrupt
Practice Helps
Communication challenges are very common between the person using substances and their family/friends. It is unlikely that they will be capable of changing their communication style in the short term, but if you can work on improving yours, you may be able to improve your overall communication and relationship.
If you are struggling to communicate with your loved one, you might find it helpful to look at the scenarios below and consider what a passive vs aggressive vs assertive response from yourself or your loved on might look like for each of those scenarios.
Once you have identified which style/s are more likely to be used by yourself and your loved one, you could think about common situations you find yourself in, and practice responding in an assertive manner so you are able to draw on that practice when you find yourself in the heat of the moment.
Example Scenario
A friend asks to borrow your lawn mower. You need this each weekend.
Passive: I don’t know, I guess its ok. When do you need it?
Aggressive: No! Don’t be stupid. Get one of your own.
Assertive: I need the mower at the weekends but you could borrow it during the week.
Practice Scenario 1
Your daughter stays out late. She never turns up to meals.
Passive:
Aggressive:
Assertive:
Practice Scenario 2
Your partner left a mess in the house, and you’re worried about what you have found.
Passive:
Aggressive:
Assertive:
Practice Scenario 3
When you go out your partner always drinks more than others,
Passive:
Aggressive:
Assertive:
Practice Scenario 4
A person showed up at your house uninvited to see your son. You’re suspicious about his motives.
Passive:
Aggressive:
Assertive: